Monday, January 25, 2010


Here lately, it just seems that struggle is all I deal with. Struggling with internal things. Things that are not nearly as important as I make them. But ever so faithfully I do make them big.  My heart hurts all the time now and I cant seem to make it right. And to anyone reading this and starting to worry, please know that I am FINE.  But I am dealing with things internally.
    Being the daughter of a mother and father who always taught me to stand up for what is right, even if its not always popular was so hard and awful when I was in high school.  To a high schooler, that meant, dont drink at a party because you know its not right, even if its what everyone else is doing.  Dont treat people differently, even if everyone else does.  Don't wear shorts with your hiney hanging out, even if other girls do.  As an adult, its still just as important but not any easier.  But it was engrained into my head and it just comes second nature to me.  I am thankful for Momma and Daddy to teach me to stand on my own two feet and believe in myself as a strong, God-fearing Woman.
   The bible says that God promises us that heaven will be, well..heaven. But here on earth, we will go through struggles and trials.  Jesus also promises us "Blessed is the man who perserveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.'  James 1:12
  I know that this hardship that my heart is going through is a trial and when I have learned the lesson that He is trying to teach me, I will receive victory! I have already received His most precious gift, the gift of salvation. I cannot imagine what I have done to receive four more gifts. ( CV & my trio)
  Tonight when I got home from just a dark day, my babies were the light! I had a dance party with Emmi in the kitchen and sat on the kitchen floor and ate cookie dough with Witten.  At one point, each child came up to me out of no where and thanked for me for various things.  Emmi thanked me for her candy.  (Of course)  Witten right before bed, came up to me, gave me a pumpkin kiss (that's 'our thing' that I will hang over his wife's head someday) and thanked me for his Power Ranger Book that I bought him this weekend. Brock came up behind me as I was ironing letters on his 100 day shirt for tomorrow and thanked me for doing it! ahhhhhhh.....the sigh of a momma who cannot comprehend the amount of love I have for all three.  All three, completely different, completely alike in Him.  And I love them all so much it hurts.
 Jesus loves you and I so much more than that, so much that I can't find words to express it!

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1

Peace Out Hommies!


  1. I have been noticing on facebook and reading your blog that you are a little down and having some struggles. I hope that whatever or whoever it is that is making your heart hurt can be worked out. Like you said God will help you through this time and make you even stronger. Thank you for your encouraging words and such a great Godly example you are. I was stronger when I was younger and like you that is how I was raised, but somehow have failed as and adult to be the woman I always thought I would be. REally stand up for God and what I believe. I'm not even sure where it all went wrong. I hope to make that change as it is never too late. You have really touched my heart with your words.


  2. This too shall pass... I have had days when I was certain that my head would not physically be able to come off the pillow... take your time to cry (even when you do so for no reason)... tears cleanse the soul. You are loved!